INSIDER STORY by @wkw07


睁开惺忪的睡眼所看见的是漆黑的夜晚,肃静阴森,外面的风阴冷的嚎叫着,时不时可以听见风吹树叶的沙沙声。仿佛黑暗要吞嗜一切,我不敢多想只期待黎明的到来!


客厅时不时听见家俱击飞碰撞刺耳的声音,它正是在对我发出训号声,告知我危机即将在我身上爆发。它又要来了!“踏,踏,踏” 既愤怒又沉重的脚步声步步逼近…… 恶魔,就在房门外徘徊不定的行走着,它低沉的唠叨着一些模糊不清的词句,紧接着它伸出锋利的爪子开始刮着我的房门……顿时我知道他真的到了— 召唤恶魔的死亡之音!


心中充满惶惶不安的气氛,心跳也越来越快 “扑通…..扑通” 令人毛骨悚然不寒而栗!心想 “快啊~挡住门,那是最后的防线!只要捱过黎明后就安全了!” 但心又想,自己肯定挡不住恶魔顽强的冲击力!


它破门而入,把所有的灯打开。我用胳膊挡住了那非常刺眼的灯火!它进来了……恶魔张开血淋淋的大嘴巴露出锋利的牙齿嘶吼着……开始抱怨它为何要背负着上苍待它的不公等等…. 怨到上头的他最终把所有怨气以嘲讽我的言语来发泄在我的身上。而这百般折磨的源头可能只是因为我忘了对它说声 “晚安” 又或许是它觉得我的沉默是对它的不敬。倘若我开始反抗,它就大可理直气壮的从言语暴力晋升成对我拳打脚踢!


精神与身体上的虐待,对我可说是家常便饭。但所造成的伤害是叠叠层层的烙印在我成长的心灵上。这肉眼察觉不了的伤,这精神的凌辱仿佛自己在看不见的兽笼里被小丑任由摆布来取悦观众。他们只看见兽笼里的笑容,却看不见内心伤痕,这应该就是每个笑容背后 “看不见隐形暴力”


Again, darkness starts it’s feast swallowing up the night as soon as the sun set. Leaving nothing but a shivering night with winds hallowing streets, trees creepily dance to be seen in the shadow on the streets. Slowly and reluctantly, I open my heavy eyes and wished to not be awake at this very moment in the night.


An unpleasant signal sent to me from the banging sounds of the furniture flies across the living room, smashing the message in my head warning me that the monster is coming. Heavy & ominous stomps furiously wandering in front of my door as if he was counting down on its explosion like a human-made bomb. Tensions are multiplied when he starts to murmur in his dense voice like a witch chanting to unleash the devil within. He then stops all his actions in a snap, allowing silence to haunt me further while knowing that I’m anticipating his upcoming horrific actions.


‘Crkkkcrrkkkscrkscrk’ there, the demonic sound of death.


Scratching my door with its long and sharp metal like claws, slowly & enjoying the horror he portrays in me with the unpleasant screech.


My heart is about to stop from the psychotic horror he puts me in, and if he thought I’ll be the same kid who sit back without defending the last line. He was wrong! Although I’m much terrified & trembling by his after doings, I’ll use up all my strength to defend tonight! I rushed my weak body as fast as I could, using up all my strength to block the last defend door to stops him coming in. Yet the beast, the monster, the devil strength and force got the best out of me. He’s in, with just a gentle push on the door and it swift me away from it.


The devil turns the lights on to blind me for seconds, growling with its bloody mouth showcasing his proud sharp teeth, then disguise himself as a human once again and stood in front of me.


Negative thoughts roams over his head and funnily, I seems to be the sacrifice of his ‘only’ way out to release the steam of these clouded thoughts. Abusive as usual, he starts his ritual with a mild dose of complaining his misfortune life and how god had punished him in this life of his.


Words gradually intensify it’s ugliness and sharpness through judging, blaming, insulting me in any possible ways. Attacking my pride and confidence once again without any reason. Or… there is a reason? Will it be that I forgot to greet him goodnight before I go to bed? No matter what & how, I must hold myself back and can never fight back once it started his domestic ritual on me. Because fighting back will just cause nothing but an eternity extension or even elevates this verbal abuse to physical abuse.


Honestly after all these years, although I was numb on this domestic violence of words but words is still mightier than knife. Under this abusive manner, words carved a deep wound in my soul and is not a visible wound that anyone can see.


These devils are like clowns who seeks control on people who laughed at them in the past, controlling every move of that person on behalf of them to please the audience. They might see a bright smile putting on the performer but not the invisible violence behinds it.

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